At the beginning of the year, I chose the word “Vitality” as my theme for 2019. Vibrancy, exuberance, liveliness, healthy. Living with more vigor.
It felt right.
After all, my child had turned 3, and was thriving at school and at home. I was getting more sleep, and more control over my time. My business was going into year 4, and I felt confident in the foundation I’d built. My husband and I remembered why we liked each other before having a kid.
Now was the time to THRIVE.
What’s the quote?
If you wanna make God laugh, tell him about your plans. (Woody Allen)
Well, the universe is having a knee slapping good time with me this year.
First I fell down the stairs, and damaged my rotator cuff. How do I know it’s my rotator cuff? Because the pain in my left shoulder and arm didn’t go away for 6 weeks, and I finally got talked into going to see a physical therapist. Instead of seeing a PT early, I decided to self-diagnose, and proceeded to exercise through the pain, thinking that would strengthen the area. Apparently that’s the opposite of what I should have done, as the pain persisted.
Before my fall, I also had a stubborn skin rash that I kept ignoring. Hoping it would go away. On my face! It didn’t. And when I finally went to the Doctor, we tried every “fix” known to man, and none of the topical prescriptions helped.
Shortly after one of my many doctor visits – which weren’t fixing anything – I also felt a pain in my foot. Cripes…I’d only just nurtured two broken toe nails (thanks to rough soccer matches), back to health, and now the bottom of my foot was throbbing.
I was falling apart – literally from head to toe.
My esthetician recommended no products or makeup on my face for 4 weeks. Let my skin heel itself. She calls it “going on walk about” like I’m out in the Australian Bush hiking far from civilization. Except I’m not!
My physical Therapist recommended gentle stretches and rest (and backing off of Bikram Yoga).
All of this flies in the face of “VITALITY” – I want to look AND feel bright, shiny and new. All of which takes a serious beauty & exercise regimen at age 44 (it dos for me, at any rate!!).
No makeup!? No moisturizer? No sweating?
God help me.
But I’ve had to literally let go. Give up control of how I want my physical being to feel & look. The universe had different plans for this particular human body. So here I am.
Every time I tried to “fix” or self-medicate whatever ailed me (b/c I’ve got the internet, and Web MD, so that makes me a doctor for sure!), I was simply getting dragged. I didn’t know it, until I was flat out exhausted and overwhelmed and just stopped. All the resisting had certainly FELT feudal, but I’m no quitter! (haha) So I kept allowing myself to be dragged, thinking I was the one in control.
Having chronic physical ailments is humbling. It’s the only time I truly feel gratitude for my healthy working strong body.
Maybe it’s ok to stop. To rest. To give my physical body a vacation. Instead of fixing fixing fixing, why not heal?
“Heal” actually means: to make sound or whole or to make well again. Tto restore to health.
So maybe I didn’t know EXACTLY what I was asking for when I chose “Vitality” as my theme for 2019. Maybe the universe had its own thoughts on it. To become vital, you need to heal 43 years of striving. Or to be vital at 44, isn’t the same as at 24. Who knows?
All I know is, I’m not in charge. I can set intentions and make plans, but if the universe decides on a different path… I can resist kicking and screaming, or I can let go and see what good thing happens next. PS: I’m just ignoring my foot pain, for now. (maybe it was from being dragged by the universe! Haha)