Do you have to love yourself before someone else can?

I’ve been thinking about friends and acquaintances of mine who are desperately searching for that true partner to love and be loved by.

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Many people stand behind the notion that you have to love yourself before another person can love you too.
I believe this to a degree…
People sense energy.
Authentic energy.
You know chemistry when you feel it even if you can’t or won’t name it (that guy across the room who isn’t your type, but for some crazy reason you cannot avert your eyes).
You know when someone instinctively repels you or gives you the willies (why do we still get on that elevator with that creepy serial killer?!! our hearts and guts know better).
That’s energy.
And we are drawn – like moths to the flame – by whole, peaceful energy. That person who seems totally content with what they have and who they are. The person who doesn’t need you to complete them.
At the same time – I think all of us are put on this earth to give love, receive love and at times, show someone how to love.

When you are loved by someone you respect & adore (a parent, a sibling, a friend, a boyfriend etc), you begin to see how it’s possible to love yourself.

I have friends who resent and wonder how so many other people (of all walks of life) have found someone when they themselves are still alone…
Maybe they are busy doing the work within that relationship (and it may not even be the ‘right’ one), struggling, fumbling along, and are finally picturing the possibility and letting love in. Maybe they are co-existing with another person but aren’t truly connected to them. Maybe you refuse to do the work with anyone but yourself. Which is okay … Good for you … You are probably stronger and more capable, actually. Now do the work.  You can sit with yourself in meditation.  You can sit with a therapist and overcome old fears and limitations that don’t seem to work.  You can find the time to further develop the interest that gets you revved up.  But do the work.  So when he/she does come along, your energy is irresistible.

And don’t envy those women who always seem to have a boyfriend & are never alone.
Trust me – If you are with the wrong person, you are still alone. Maybe even more painfully alone.

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